Marriage: Dying to Self

Automatically transcribed — lightly cleaned for readability. Wording is the preacher’s own.

So we, we started last week, a series in marriage and, we're going to do the same, we're going to do our, it's going to be our second, our second message today. And so want to start out by just kind of re, reminding us of where we were, or where we, where we were last week. So a few points of reminder about marriage. What is marriage? Well, first off, whether you're married or not, whatever relationship you have with marriage, because marriage is God's idea, and because marriage is firmly rooted and established in Scripture as a covenant that He has established, there is good godly wisdom for all of us, no matter where we may find ourselves in relationship to marriage. But marriage is ultimately God's idea, which means that God defines it. God sets the purpose for marriage. God gives meaning to marriage. God sets the goals for marriage, meaning that if we are going to come to marriage, and we intend to live it in a way that honors and glorifies God and that we also reap the spiritual

Blessing and benefit and fruit of marriage, then we have to have a commitment to live in it in the way in which God has designed it. If we bring our own meaning, our own definition, our own value, or our own purposes to marriage, we're living just now under our own strength, under our own ability to like... Produce blessing and fruit in our life. And we can do that in some ways, but ultimately we will run aground very quickly on that. So number one, marriage is God's idea. And we have to get that here to understand how our marriages can change and be changed. Marriage is more than just a partnership between one or between two people, between a man and a woman. Ultimately in the pages of scripture, we see that marriage, the purpose of marriage was to be a living, breathing reflection of Jesus' love for the church. Meaning that the way that I love my wife and the way that she loves me, the way that the sacrificial love demonstrated between husband and wife is meant to be an earthly reflection of the love that Jesus has for those whom he has died.

And so our marriages have a greater purpose even beyond, what they do for us personally, even beyond maybe the joy or the happiness that they bring for us, even beyond the family that we are able to build through it. That marriage has an eternal purpose rooted in the plan of God to display his sacrificial love to those for whom he has died. Marriage is extraordinarily important. Finally, from last week, I will say that.

It's no secret where any human relationship, anytime you have a relationship between two people for long enough, in an intimate enough setting, some tension is going to, some friction. So it's like there's going to be some relational, there's going to be some relational stretching to put it nicely, that comes, that comes up. Right. And, we often, have, or we, it's very easy for us to say, you know, like, okay, there is something, there is something wrong with, my marriage relationship. And so what I need to do is, primarily, I just need to learn to communicate with my spouse better, or they need to learn. They need to learn to be, more kind to me or patient or present or whatever and the focus, right the focus of the fixing is on the what we're calling the horizontal plane, meaning between me and them, between them and me. Marriages are almost always fixed vertically before they are fixed horizontally, meaning that what we often do when we approach marriage in any way that there's any tension or issues or.

A lot of dynamics going on that are unhealthy is our focus becomes, what do they have to do? What does that person need to do that I'm married to in order to fix this? What do I need from them? How do they have to change? But the biblical trajectory of healing and establishing healthy relationships, whether it's a marriage or whether it's a friendship, is that I make sure that I am fixing my heart vertically in relationship with the Father, pursuing holiness in my own heart in life because if I cannot pursue holiness here, I cannot pursue health here.

If there is no connection with the Father, abiding with the Father here, then any hope that I have of fixing this really intimate relationship is really just temporary and transient, right? I might learn five hacks for communicating better. But if I don't deal with the issue that has rooted itself down in my soul, if I don't allow the Lord to pluck that out of me, redeem me, sanctify me, change, transform me from the inner, from like the inner parts out, then eventually we're just going to run into that issue again. It's not about right. Better. It's not about better tools. It's about a heart transformation. Tools come and are helpful when the heart has been transformed and when there's a commitment to pursuing holiness. See much of the conversation, especially in young couples, dating couples, engaged couples or whatever, much of the conversation is how do I find the right person to marry?

How do I find the right person? And while that is like, I mean, it's kind of a noble question. I get it. I understand it. What it unintentionally does is takes the focus, even for a brief moment, off of who I am becoming,

And places it on who I need, right? And the better pathway is not how do I find the right person to marry, it's how do I become the right person to be married, how am I allowing the lord to change and transform who I am, so that when I do find someone to marry or I am, married that I am I am ensuring that everything that is going on in my heart, right, is positioning me to be the most godly, the most godly reflection of what it means to be in a marriage relationship.

I don't know if you know this or not, if you realize this or not, but you, if you're married, you are married to a sinner,

You know Danielle says she is for sure. You are married to a sinner, and so is your spouse.

You are married to a sinner and so is your spouse. And your marriage, you're not just married to a sinner and your spouse isn't just married to a sinner. Your marriage exists in the context of a broken world, marred by sin, darkened by the fall, and desperately in need of redemption from the Lord. Marriage is between two sinners.

And so just all on our own, we don't naturally, all by itself, without any spiritual intentionality, have healthy marriages.

Because we are sinners, without spiritual intentionality, our marriages move in the direction that our own personal lives and souls move when there is no redemption by the Lord. And that is towards self-centeredness. When I don't have an intentionality to live in covenant, self-giving, self-sacrificing marriage with my wife, with your husband, then the natural direction of our marriages is towards what can I get? What do I need? How does this benefit me? How am I going to be more happy and fulfilled because of what they're going to give to me? How are they going to stay out of my way? And how are they going to be a vehicle that carries me to the places where I want to go?

Without an intentionality towards creating a marriage that is a reflection of God's love for us, then we ultimately drift towards self-centeredness in our marriages. This is why it takes an intentional decision and commitment to live a different way, to be married a different type of way.

There's one really consistent and recurring theme that exists from Old Testament all the way through New,

When it comes to how marriage is defined or what happens in marriage. And when I say that it exists in all of Scripture, what I mean is that right from the very beginning, the definition and the kind of the values that define and guide covenant marriage, is rooted in the very nature of creation, meaning the beginning of Genesis, right? Where God is creating the heavens and the earth and he is creating Adam and he has created Eve. It is at that point in those moments that God establishes the kind of eternal trajectory of marriage. And then that trajectory is carried through all of scripture. Jesus affirms it and even takes it further. The apostle Paul and the New Testament church affirms it and holds it as the standard for what it means to be marriage. It's this. We read it last week. We're going to read it again this week.

In the Genesis account, it comes from Genesis chapter 2 verse 24. After Adam and Eve had been created. Eve had come to the side, out of the side and to the side of Adam. And the scripture says, therefore, or having said all this, having known all this, therefore, a man shall leave his father. And his mother, and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. You want to know what the best biblical definition or understanding of marriage is? It's this verse, rooted here first in creation, but not just left here. Like I said, Jesus affirms it, and so does the early church. In Ephesians chapter 5 verse 31 where Paul is talking about this long section in Ephesians where he's giving like instructions to husbands you know like love your wives as Christ has loved the church and gave himself up to her, presenting her to the father as holy and blameless before the Lord, wives respect your husbands and submit to them all, this section on what it means to be married in like a godly covenant marriage husbands and wives and then at

The end he was like and the reason essentially we do all this is because.

A man will leave his father and mother and hold fast to or cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh right.

And then Jesus, in his ministry, when the Pharisees are kind of like, trying to trick Jesus into saying something that would disqualify his ministry in Matthew chapter 19 around the topic of divorce, Jesus himself says the same thing. He says, haven't you read, this is Matthew chapter 19 verses four through six. He answered, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning? I mean it's like listen rooted in creation what he who has created them from the beginning.

Has made them male and female and said therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh jesus is essentially saying like haven't you guys heard this, like isn't this well established so they are no longer two but one this is where this verse six is where jesus expands what is from the original he says listen, what it means is they're no longer two, independent people.

Living in just some kind of partnership or relationship with one another. They are one flesh and God has joined them together. That it is a, that the union that comes in the covenant in relationship of marriage is something that God has brought together. Therefore, let man not separate. Okay. So this, this is the, like, this is the, this is the way that the Bible talks about marriage. This is the primary way in which it defines what it means to be a husband and a wife. What it, and, and I will tell you this about really all of biblical, all of biblical truth or like the biblical literature is that anything that you see consistently in the same way over long periods of time is something that, it should bring emphasis and it should root truthfully, right? Meaning like this isn't just like some random religious teacher in an abstract part of religious history teaching this one tiny little thing about marriage. This was something that was rooted in creation, was held together in all of history and tradition, was rooted in the words and ministry of Jesus,

Us and was carried through to the early church. It's not meant to where we ignore it at our peril.

We explain it away to the danger of our relationships with our spouses. And so the question there is then, what might this passage in particular reveal to us about the essential characteristics of a marriage that is designed by God, that is established from creation to Christ? What would it say to us?

This is something that we want to learn. Because anytime something lives or exists outside of the purpose that it was created for, damage is done.

So if we're living in relationship outside of the purposes or the definitions by which God has set them, then damage is ultimately going to be done. When we live under a false identity, even in our marriages, There's a story from early in my marriage. Where, we were, we were, I was pastoring in Frewsburg and we didn't have any kids yet. And we had a little sidewalk out the back of our house and, Sherry decided that she was going to do some yard work. And one of the things that was bothering her was that there was like weeds and grass growing up in between the sidewalk blocks. Right. And, it's one of those things that I just kind of don't see, right? Like I just man look that stuff. I like that. It doesn't, I don't ever see it, but she was like, I don't like this. I'm going to get this fixed. So she comes to me, I'm doing something else. She comes to me. Hey, do you have anything that I can use to get the grass out from in between the sidewalk blocks?

And you know, like, like any good husband, I'm half listening and I'm actually was, I was completely listening, but I said, yeah, like, yeah, go into the shed. My toolbox is in there. There's probably something in there that you can find and you can get everything out of in between there and so she goes okay thanks I went to go do my own thing I came back she was about three quarters of the way done and I came out and she had made great progress there was dirt and weeds all over the place piled up and in her hand, was like my $60 Stanley sweetheart chisel which was like mirror finish polished, you know, could like split a hair if I needed it to, just absolutely mangled.

Mangled, like almost beyond repair. Did the tool work? Well, I mean, it worked kind of, but it's not meant for that purpose. And because it wasn't meant for that purpose, it took a beating in it, right? It took a beating and no longer appeared or was useful for the reason that it was created, right? It needed some healing, right?

Needed some restoration and I don't even remember if it got it, but, but that's what happens to our marriages as well can happen to our marriages that when we live, when we live in them in a way that they were not designed by the creator to, to live to do damage to them. Sometimes that damage, at least in reference to our relationship with the other person is irreparable.

And so we need to be, we need to be really aware of who God is calling us to be as married people.

If we look at these, this passage of scripture, just for reference, they're all essentially the same. So just for reference, we'll kind of just re-reference the Genesis passage. There's three main things that is, that is kind of rooted. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh. So the very first there is just that first line. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother. Stop, right?

There is a leaving that happens when you get married. There is a putting behind you something that was so that you can begin to embrace something that will be. This is in kind of like in the tradition or history of marriage. This is the moment that kind of establishes that a new family is being created here in this moment. A new family. I say this, I read this passage of scripture in every wedding that I've officiated over the last 21 years. And what is often I will tell you and,

You may not like this but this is the reality, what what is often said in the midst of weddings or in the midst of engagements is like oh I am so excited like the parents of the bride the parents of the groom right I am so excited to be gaining a son.

I am so excited to be gaining a daughter because, right, we live without intentionality. We live towards this reality of like, what does this do for me?

What does this, what is this going to bring into my life? How is this going to benefit and make me more happy? But listen, the biblical trajectory of marriage is not gaining a son or gaining a daughter. It's losing a son and losing a daughter. With a new family established where you mom and dad are no longer the center of that person's life, no longer have the most influence, no longer have control. There is a spiritual dynamic of cutting off, that happens so that man and that woman now joined to their husband and wife can live into the reality of their new family and their new calling and their new way forward. See, our identity is no longer rooted in what once was. We are no longer identified by our family of origin. We are now identified by the sacred covenant and calling that is being established with this other person before God. Our families are witnessing it. Our friends are witnessing it. We are saying.

No longer am I just like associated with my family. I am now bonded to this person.

Inseparable. And not only am I bonded and inseparable, but it is primary. The relationship is now, it becomes primary. The primary relationship is not with my mom, not with my dad, not with my brothers, not with my sisters, not with my kids.

The primary relationship is now with the one with whom I am in covenant with before God. Listen, I want to say this with all gentleness and all, and all, respect, but with, but with warning and with truth. Okay. You do tremendous harm to the spiritual reality of your marriage. When your family of origin is more important than your spouse.

When your family of origin is more important than your spouse, either in the unspoken things or in the spoken things, or when you allow your family of origin to assert themselves as more important than your spouse.

You erode the foundation and the fabric of a covenant relationship that says, know when we are married, we leave our family of origins and we are united to our husband or our wife.

It does not mean that the relationship breaks down. And it is not to say that the relationship gets unhealthy or dies. It is that the relationship now changes. That person is no longer defined by that relationship. They are defined by a new one. So there's a leaving aspect to it the second part of it back to the genesis 2 please,

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife he's this is the inverse is also true of course he's saying this from the perspective of adam in the creation account but, should leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, or she will leave her father and mother and hold fast to her husband. Now the word here, hold fast, or the phrase hold fast, is written in many different ways in a bunch of different translations. Some of you may have united. They will unite to their husband or wife. Some may have cleave, which is the opposite of leave. Cleaving is attaching to, holding to. And the word here, leave or hold fast.

Is the defining word of covenant faithfulness in the passage, right? Meaning that it is the word that establishes the covenant loyalty and commitment that one person has to another. It doesn't carry the kind of like punch or weight in English that it carries in Hebrew, but the Hebrew word is hesed, which is a word that the prophets use to describe God's radical, faithful commitment to the nation of Israel. It's the same word. And so in the creation account, what we're seeing is that the same now covenant faithfulness that by that binds man, and woman husband and wife together is the same type of covenant faithfulness that god displayed and describes that he has for his covenant people, I will never leave you I will never forsake you I like I will be your god you will be my people, to my wife I will never leave you I will never forsake you, you will be my wife and I will be your husband.". Right? It is the, it is the, it is the rooting word. It is what roots the word in covenant faithfulness. Whatever the future holds, we face it together.

It is what binds two people together. It's like, this is the, this is like this kind of the second step. And there was the leaving step that first defined it. Now there's a second step that is putting off old forms of individual and independence and beginning to step, step into a oneness that defines and describes marriage. You know, in marriage, there is no me problems.

Or you problems. Do you hear me with this? Like in talking to your spouse, your spouse talking to you, this is a, this sounds like a you problem is not a thing that exists.

Like this sounds like something, an issue that you need to take care of. Well, yeah, it sounds like an issue that you need to take care of or is a you problem if we live in kind of this like contractual partnership, like we're in business with one another, but we ain't in business with one another. This is not a partnership. This is covenant oneness where the next line in Genesis chapter two, verse 24 is going to define that. Like, it's not even as if there are two people operating in the same relationship. It is to have become one.

There is no you problem and me problem. There is only us problems. It is us. We are the problem in this marriage. We are the issue. We are the one that is broken in need of redeeming. We are the one that needs transformed and whom Jesus needs to come and save. The two becoming one flesh, oneness and unity in all facets of life, and expressed, and displayed primarily in and through sexual intercourse. Now, I've told you this already. This is a topic, intimacy, not just physical intimacy. We will be talking about physical intimacy in marriage in two weeks. But the primary way that the covenant of marriage is expressed within the marriage itself is through sex, and so it is it is the thing that it is the physical act that spiritually binds It is the physical act that unites not just flesh, but unites spirit. And.

This is why we experience, quite honestly, this is why we experience, one of the reasons why we experience so much sexual brokenness in our culture.

And issues with intimacy, both emotional intimacy and physical intimacy, is because we have a sexual culture without having a covenant culture. So just like a chisel used to get weeds out of in between sidewalks, when sex is a casual encounter meant only for our pleasure, but it's outside of the covenant keeping relationship, right?

When that relationship now separates or is broken or never even exists, we have entered into a spiritual reality and sign with another person that doesn't have the covenant container to hold it. And so our soul becomes broken because our soul was meant to be, to cleave to the person we were having sex with.

That's the design of it. And so in the moment of sex that happens outside of the covenant of marriage, we create a connection that we don't have the covenant to maintain. And it becomes an area of pain. Not irredeemable pain.

Not irredeemable brokenness. Not an area of my life that God can't touch and heal and redeem and make new and bring, bring new life, and wholeness into my marriage or my future relationships, but brokenness nonetheless.

The metaphor here is meant to like the two become one flesh really has very little, parallels in scripture, but obviously it is meant to communicate the depth, the depth of oneness, not just partnership, but oneness and.

So if we have these three things, we have like, okay, there's a leaving dynamic. There's a holding fast and uniting cleaving dynamic. There's a oneness dynamic that's demonstrated in sex with one, with our spouse. Where does that, like, how does that, how do those truths begin to hit home, in our kind of lived experience in marriage? How do we see the inverse of that, negatively affecting who we are as a husband or who we are as a wife okay and I will say this and this is probably my main point of the sermon is that much of the pain, much of the pain of marriage is caused by our insistence in pursuing individuality and independence within a covenant that is built on oneness.

Much of the pain that we experience, the covenant of marriage was meant to be built on oneness, meaning leaving everyone else, cleaving to this one person, the two becoming one flesh. And so much of our pain in marriage, is centered around our insistence on remaining independent and individual persons while also trying to draw off of the fruit or the benefits of being in covenant marriage, which is established in oneness.

See, when we live in partnership or kind of like this contractual understanding with a spouse, the primary then objective of our marriage is to just, I'm just recruiting my spouse into the building of a personal kingdom of mine.

I have dreams, I have visions, I have desires. And then it's really easy for me to get irritated and impatient or hurt when I realize,

That a healthy covenant marriage was not meant to carry my selfish will. Was not meant to be just something that brought me personal satisfaction, joy, happiness, pleasure.

When we begin to realize that marriage is not about us. It's not about, it's not about, and what I mean by that is it's not about you.

It's not about you as an, what do I get? What do I receive? What can this person do for me? How can they help me achieve the things that I want to achieve and do? How can they become a vehicle to get me there? And what happens when I perceive that they're becoming an obstacle to the things that I want to do?

If you are a, consider yourself to be a really strong and independent person, and you carry that with you in all areas of life, you're going to find marriage to be very difficult.

Strong and independent people find marriage to be very difficult because they're because in covenant oneness if you're always fighting against this sense of strength and independence that you are your own individual and will not be told what to do or how to live or sacrifice what you want marriage is going to become really really hard it's going to be really hard.

As always, the example for what to do instead of living in this independence and individuality, the example is always Jesus. Jesus is always the example for how to love. Jesus is always the example, not just for how to love in relationship with our neighbors, right? But how to love in relationship to our spouse. Jesus not only models love, but how Jesus has loved us is our model. Like, do you know that you can't love your spouse without Jesus first loving you?

That the very love of Jesus for you is what enables you to love them. That 1 John 4, verse 19 says that we love, why? Because he has first loved us.

That Jesus is not just the model for how to do it practically, but the very reality that Jesus loves you at all is the ground upon which you can love one another. Without the love of God expressed to you in Jesus, you have no hope of faithfully loving another person. This is a gift.

In philippians chapter 2 verses 3 through 11 we see this portion of scripture, that defines the life of jesus or the practice of jesus when it comes to love okay, it's one of my favorite passages of scripture we're going to read this in the context of our marriages is. If you're not married, it's not hard at all to read this in the context of just your relationships in life. Okay.

Do nothing. This is, you could, I promise I'm going to read it. You could take this and apply this to the covenant position of marriage where there is, we leave the family of origin. We cleave to the new person. The two become one flesh. The independent individual myself begins to go away. And now what? I do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility, I count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself by taking the form of a servant being born in the likeness of men and being found in human form he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death even death on a cross, therefore god has highly exalted him and bestowed on, him the name that is above every other name so that at the name of jesus every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth and every tongue

Confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God, the father. How does this verse written by Paul about Jesus affect our relationship.

With others? Well, the antidote to radical independence is radical self-denial and self-sacrifice. And Jesus is the example of this. Not only how in his modeled love that allows us to love one another, but the way in which he approached all, the way in which he, like his whole spiritual posture was to empty himself from,

In order to serve the other okay and that is exactly what paul says do don't do anything out of selfish ambition, or vain conceit but in humility what am I doing with my spouse I am considering them more significant than myself.

Verse 4, I am not looking just to my own interest, but also to the interest of my spouse.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, right? So he was, he had every right to be anything that he wanted to be. Did not count equality with God as something to be grasped. Meaning that like, even though he had authority, could access authority, it wasn't like he was always reaching for the authority in its expression in his relationships. He was allowing himself to be emptied, but he emptied himself, verse seven, and he took the form of a servant.

He humbled himself, it says in verse eight, all the way to becoming obedient to the point of death. Now, some will say, well, like, does, does marriage, is marriage just the continual forever process of me denying any need that I have whatsoever? Like, do I just disappear in my marriage in lieu of serving and sacrificing for the other? And the answer is no. Okay. The answer is no. Paul here says like, hey, listen, we're not going to look just to our own interests. He literally says, not looking only to our own interests, but also to the interests of others. Our interests are not erased. They're not done away with. They do not, we do not lose ourselves in the midst of serving others. But what we often find and experience in like our modern culture is that every time we sacrifice something, we only stay in a deficit.

Every time we empty ourselves for the service of others, we're only in the negative. It's just me giving things. It's just me giving up, giving away. It's just me slowly dying. But that's not what Paul, that's not what happens here. That's not even what Jesus experienced. It was Jesus emptied himself and humbled himself and served. And therefore God has exalted him highly and bestowed on him the name that is above every other name, right? That it is in the act of sacrifice and humility and service that we become filled with the spiritual joy of what it means to be in alignment with Jesus.

Finally, Paul says in Ephesians 5, verses 1 and 2, Be imitators of God as beloved children, and walk in love as Christ loved us, and gave himself up for us a fragrant offering and a sacrifice to God. Listen, because you and I are dearly loved children, because we have, when we fix our vertical relationship with the Lord, we can now live a life of love horizontally with one another. Be imitators of God as beloved children, right? And walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us. We are able to, as an act of our worship to the Lord, give ourselves up in love of one another. And that act of love and sacrifice becomes a fragrant offering of worship to God. It no longer our sacrifice for one another no longer is about what can I do for them so that they can do for me it's how can I serve them out of the overflow of the love of jesus in me so that through that act I may display worship of the lord, it may be it may become an act of worship,

Listen. When we're building big walls of covenant oneness in our marriage, it's best to build by, big walls get built by small bricks. Okay? Not by big boulders. So when we talk about sacrificing and considering others, considering our spouse before we consider ourselves, I'm not talking about giving up your career every other day so that your spouse can do the thing that they want to do. It's less big boulders and more small bricks that happens. It looks like maybe skipping your morning routine once in a while without being asked so that your spouse can enjoy their morning routine or something different, than they normally do without feeling guilty or bad. It's about like taking your phone and putting it face down or another room and making eye contact and having a conversation when maybe you know that you've got texts or emails or things that you need to do. But like, no, like that can wait, phone down, face down, other room. Let's have a conversation here. That's a sacrifice, right? It's about celebrating your spouse's preferences.

And walking into them. Like how about what kind of music they want to listen to in the car, the restaurant or vacation spot that they want to go to the things, the activities that they like, Hey, let's do that tonight. I know you really love to do that. I would love to celebrate that with you. Does it matter what I want? Does it matter what I want to do in this moment? Like, no, I'm giving it to you. This is an act of sacrifice and self-service. How about doing the thing that isn't normally your job?

Right? My wife is never so happy that when she comes home, the dishes are done.

And I'm not like, that's kind of a joke, haha, but it's also true. Because there's this sense of like, oh, it's not just an empty sink. It's a, you thought of me coming home from a busy day, having to jump into the tasks that I normally do, and instead, you thought of me before then and did it, so now I don't have to do it. And like, it's an expression of love.

So you will notice a hundred small sacrifices this week that your spouse may never notice. But God notices all of them, okay? Paul says that when Jesus gave himself up, it rose to the Father like a fragrant offering of praise. You see, when you give yourself up for your spouse, whether it's doing the dishes, or having a really present conversation or the preferences you let go,

That also rises to the Lord in worship. You are not losing yourself by serving your spouse, you're stepping into an identity of a dearly loved child of god who gives of themselves because jesus gave of himself as an act of worship okay let's pray.

Father in heaven, we worship you, Lord, for the love displayed, for your goodness and mercy, for your kindness and patience, Lord.

We thank you, Lord, for the gift of marriage, for the covenant of marriage, knowing, Lord, that marriage is not our idea, but yours,

Meaning that we have as a resource for our marriages, we have as a resource for our marriages the spiritual power of the Lord and so we ask now and today that you would bless us with spiritual power for our marriages in Jesus name amen.